Viewer discretion is advised.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Pervs, rejoice!

We all have our own fetishes. Some people like feet, S&M or Brokeback Mountain role-play where you set up a tent in your lawn and rent some cowboy outfits, which by the way got some strange looks from the shop owner when you keep saying "I wish I could quit you" in front of the mirror (you don't? hmm). But the more enterprising of us them can make nice money out of it too. No, not by becoming a professional dominatrix.

Meet one Jerad Solomon, whose fingers got tired of the cold, hard surface of the number crunchers and decided that they should be treated to a more luxurious, sensuous sensation that is the lingerie. Although it has only been six months since he started the business, he seems like a seasoned veteran when he describes the intimates as "pretty, silky and soft".

Surprisingly, his customers are made up of equal numbers of both sexes. We were expecting the customer base to be more skewed towards the balding, middle-aged men demographic. Oh, we forgot the closeted cross-dressers. Now everything makes sense.

What gave him the idea to start a lingerie business? While "looking up business opportunities" on the Internet, of course. Well, when we surf for sexy lingeries on the interwebs, we don't exactly call it that. We just call it surfing pr0n.

Leap from figures to lingerie [
The Star]

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Monday, January 29, 2007

Eh?

Warta Supermarket. Queueing for the cash machine. Car keys dangling from one finger, fiddling with handphone.

Spider sense tingling. Uh-oh.

Dodgy young lady in the queue: Pukul berapa, bang?
Me: 4.30
DYLITQ: Dah 4.30?! [Stared wistfully into the distance]
DYLITQ: Kerja ke belajar?
Me: Belajar [What, you're going to be honest with an unsettlingly inquisitive stranger?]
DYLITQ: Kerja apa?
Me: Tak kerja [You have ADD, miss?]
DYLITQ: Oh.
DYLITQ: Nak kerja?

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Sunday, September 25, 2005

Daniel is the Malaysian Idol; Girls touch themselves inappropriately

Dear Malaysian teenage girls,

I know you've all been voting feverishly to make Daniel this year's Malaysian Idol, and you've finally succeeded. I'm sure many of you will go to bed tonight, thinking how it'd be like to have a romantic dinner with him or how he'll be all tied up in bed begging you, his mistress to whip him harder and just dig that stiletto a liiitle deeper while you recount your triumphant rescue of Third World's babies and ultimate victory of stealing the sexiest man on the planet from that woman from the overrated sitcom so that you can fill this planet with the most perfect babies the world has ever seen, but perhaps I should save you all from the potential heartbreak that you will experience anyway when you grow up and start to actually date that hot football player who seems to spend a bit too much time with his captain doing 'homework' at his home.

Gay doesn't only mean being happily excited, exuberant and in high spirits.

Sometimes it also involves enemas and lubes.

BFF,
Lan
xoxo

And You [sic] Idol is... Daniel! [
MalaysianIdol]

Saturday, September 24, 2005

Someone was a little too happy today

Oh, What A Relief! [NST]

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Tsunami messes up rich people's lives too

With no earthquakes and tornados to speak of, Malaysians are holding on to our dear lives to whatever natural disaster that had the nation's name mentioned in the same breath; specifically that lil' tsunami incident we had a little while back. This time, The Star hates to see the rich boys cry when their million-dollar homes were wrecked by the tsunami. Psst, Star, we tried the lend-a-shoulder-to-a-hot-damsel-in-distress tactic, but it never got us laid. Good luck, dude.

Once-wealthy trader seeks aid [The Star]

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

MTV likes to make fun of old people

We splattered the computer screen with our breakfast this morning when we read the news that MTV Asia is asking a "veteran musical duo" to "attempt" to sing, among others, the song made popular by our darling, definitely-not-False Britney Spears, Toxic. Perhaps they were quite suprised to hear from MTV too, judging from this woman's hair:

veteran_couple

MTV tried hard to suppress its giggles when the guy wondered "why they wanted us, senior citizens, to sing contemporary hits when there were so many talents out there", but it finally gave up when the lady rehearsed the line "Take a chance you stupid ho" from Gwen Stefani's What You Waiting For.

Veteran musical duo to perform modern hits [
The Star]

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Razak Mohaideen gets serious

Or not.

“Yes, I’ve added light elements to the story so it will appeal to the Malaysian crowd. But the issue behind it remains a serious one,” explained Razak.
Getting raped by your own father never seemed funny until now! Like, LOL!!

Cinta Fotokopi is a serious movie with a comic twist [
The Star]